High life | 16 July 2015

I have signed an affidavit for a hearing in the High Court stating that Janan Harb was, to my knowledge, married to Fahd of Saudi Arabia, who later became king of that ghastly country until he ate himself to death. His son Abdul Aziz, a fat playboy who drifts around the world with an entourage of 150 bootlickers, is challenging Janan’s claims, which, in the immortal words of Mandy Rice-Davies, ‘he would, wouldn’t he?’ Saudi camel-drivers-turned-self-proclaimed royals do not like to pay for the mess they leave behind their ample posteriors, and they definitely do not like to pay for their women. (I’ve often wondered if they really think women stay with them for their looks.) This Abdul Aziz is trying to do down a decent lady who swears that she was secretly married to his old man by claiming state immunity from the British legal system. Janan Harb is a British citizen who managed to avoid ending up in a Saudi harem, a harem being just another name for enslaved women.