High life | 15 February 2018

#MeToo! It happened right here, in Gstaad, last week. A man in his mid-fifties, about six foot tall and 165lb, grabbed me forcibly by the neck, pushed my head down, and then slid his hand between my legs. He continued to do so in a very dominating and aggressive way — he could have passed for Kevin Spacey, but with his own hair — pulling at my thighs, clawing at my chest, always drawing me closer and closer while breathing heavily on my neck. I couldn’t move my head, so I finally succumbed and lay back. He then stretched himself on top of me and held me tight. I had to give in.

Yes, dear reader, however horrible it might sound to you — after all, I’m 81 — at times a boy has to surrender to superior force. Part of the account that you read above was plagiarised from Kate Upton’s description of a Hollywood type doing to her what Hollywood types do to models and actresses.