OK chaps, keep your hands where people can see them, and don’t touch. And try not to look. Soon that too will be a crime, so keep your eyes on the ground and you’ll be fine. The other thing to stay away from is due process. It does not exist and don’t try to exploit it. It’s a male invention intended to shield men. Get this into your thick skull: you are presumed guilty when the accuser is female, especially an American female. Now shut up, keep your head down, and go to work.
Joe Biden is no stranger to Brits; he was caught red-handed plagiarising a Neil Kinnock speech very long ago, but he apologised and everything was forgiven. Now he’s in trouble again for giving a lady a friendly pat on the shoulders, but after apologising again, he’ll be fine and will be running for president. Keep your hands to yourself, Joe, this is the #MeToo era.
So far I’ve been lucky, and it helps that I’m not a tactile person and respect other people’s personal space. Not that I’m a saint. Long ago, when I was young, pulling down a girl’s bathing suit while she was going up the rope ladder of my boat after a swim was de rigueur. Screams and laughter followed each and every time. No one ever complained, but then none of us ever pulled down a very unattractive woman’s bikini.
Times change. We’re all Harvey Weinsteins now, and boats no longer have ladders a girl can climb up, but platforms that she can gingerly step onto and be elevated to the camel driver waiting above. Oh yes, and another thing. A new tenet has it that it’s better that ten innocents suffer than one guilty bum escapes.
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