Had the kitchen shop assistant been drugged and handcuffed?

The kitchen tap began dripping as if it knew perfectly well that this would land me in a predicament whereby I would have to brave a phone line.

I tried a friend who is a plumber but he confirmed that getting a new valve would involve contacting the kitchen shop where I bought the tap, and he didn’t fancy it.

‘Fine,’ I said, ‘I’ll call them. But if I’m going to do the worst bit, then I might as well get him to fit it for nothing.’ By which I meant the builder boyfriend.

My plumber friend agreed and then abandoned me to my fate. And so I dialled the number for a well-known kitchen and joinery firm to be greeted by the customary recorded announcement: ‘Due to Covid-19, we are unable to answer the phone as our employees are working from home, where they have just taken delivery of a burger from Just Eat.