Greenery-yallery

In Competition No. 2367 you were invited to supply an imaginary extract from the libretto of the flop musical Oscar Wilde. ‘I am going to stand my ground and fight,/ The things you two do just can’t be right,’ sang the Marquess to Bosie in that ill-starred production. Criticised for his lyrics, the author, Mike Read, loftily retorted, ‘Rhyming couplets didn’t do Shakespeare or Gilbert and Sullivan much harm.’ There was a tricky contradiction in my request for something that would both amuse readers and make them squirm with embarrassment: some of you were too polished to embarrass and others too clumsy to entertain; still others offered lyrics that it was hard to imagine being sung. The prizewinners, printed below, get £25 each, and the Cobra Premium beer goes to Ray Kelley.

Lord Alfred Douglas, solo:
When I read your sonnet,
I shed salt tears upon it
To find you hymned my slim gilt soul
And red rose-leaf lips:
Phrases meant for Bosie
And not for parkers nosy,
The sort who have the face to launch
A thousand coarse quips.
When