Gender reassignment

In Competition No. 2942 you were invited to submit a rhyme incorporating the lines ‘What are little girls made of?’ and ‘What are little boys made of?’ This challenge was a potential minefield, given how high feelings run nowadays when it comes to the thorny issue of gender identity. Still, those brave souls that took the plunge produced a witty and well judged entry. I especially admired Carolyn Thomas-Coxhead’s nifty Tom Lehrer-inspired submission; Nicholas Stone, Martin Parker and George Simmers also shone. The winners earn £25, except W.J. Webster, who nabs £30.

What are little girls made of
Is a question that’s better not put:
Answer only if you’re not afraid of
Finding your mouth full of foot.
Don’t offer parts pretty or gentle
Or tender, protective and caring:
They’re judged to imply ornamental
Or being confined to child-bearing.
What are little boys made of
Is equally parlous to hazard;
The traits there’s a usual parade of
Will have you fall flat on your mazzard.
There can’t be a typical boy
As there can’t be a typical girl.
We need other terms to deploy
When faced with this chromosome whirl.
W.J. Webster

What are little girls made of?
Your daughter
Is fifty per cent water.
What are little boys made of?
Your son’s H20
Is not quite so low:
His water content
Is sixty per cent.
Less adipose tissue —
That is the issue.
(But being wetter
Does not make him better.)
John Priestland

What are little girls made of, you may ask,
why are they always ready for the task?
They’re made of earth and grit for wheeler dealings
and concrete heads for breaking through glass ceilings.

Six arms for juggling cooking, work and kids
while keeping up with current market bids,
cross-country training, classes for Pilates,
with tampon tax and a hectic round of parties.

What are little boys made of? What’s in store?
Testosterone’s not valued any more;
they once considered housework infra dig,
now fear the label ‘chauvinistic pig’.

For soon the plan’s to make them with a womb;
they’ll cope with stretch marks and post-natal gloom
and morning sickness — glad to make the swap
to free up all the women at the top.