Isn’t it amazing to be here in person? The first time we have met since you defied the sceptics by winning councils and communities that Conservatives have never won in before – such as Hartlepool. In fact it’s the first time since the general election of 2019 when we finally sent the corduroyed communist cosmonaut into orbit where he belongs.
And why are we back today? For a traditional Tory cheek by jowler? It is because for months we have had one of the most open economies and societies and on July 19 we decided to open every single theatre and every concert hall and night club in England and we knew that some people would still be anxious, so we sent top government representatives to our sweatiest boites de nuit to show that anyone could dance perfectly safely. And wasn’t he brilliant my friends? Let’s hear it for Jon Bon Govi.

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