Alex James

Forget the eggs

Alex James leads a Slow Life

issue 22 March 2008

I’m a celebrity for hire. I do good causes for free — makes me feel good, dunnit? That’s the deal. ‘Of course,’ I said. ‘Be delighted to open a Fairtrade event in Witney. Be lovely.’

‘You’re doing what?!’ said Mrs Neate James on Saturday morning. ‘You’re going to Witney? Well, that’s lovely for you. I’ll look after the kids as well as being pregnant and working full-time, shall I? Huh. So selfish.’ She’s had a rough week, started a new job in fashion. There is only one time zone in fashion and that is ‘right now’. Tattling twits from America have been calling her at two o’clock in the morning, wanting to know if Cornwall is in Devon and whether it will be sunny there next Thursday. Unbelievable.

I’d imagined us all going to Witney together, singing along to the Stranglers’ Greatest Hits, cutting the tape at the town hall, grabbing some Nicaraguan coffee beans and then dashing off to Woolworth’s to go mental on plastic toys made in China.

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