In Competition No. 2777 you were invited to take inspiration from pupils at a Cambridge school who may escape punishment for minor offences if they can come up with a quick and clever excuse.
Juliet Walker showed impressive ingenuity: ‘Yes, I did have my pet rat in my pocket, and I’m sorry if he frightened Miss, but she talks about “living history” and I’m just recreating the conditions in the trenches.’ As did Mark Ambrose: ‘The blankness on the paper is my answer to the existential problem posed by Sartre in the question.’ A skilful bending of the truth was called for here rather than outright outlandish lies. Could do better is the judge’s verdict on the overall standard, though there were some admirable exceptions. Top of the class this week is Brian Allgar, who earns £30 and a gold star. The rest take £25.
‘Scrumping’, sir? No, I can assure you that Cox Minor and I were conducting a scientific experiment. We’ve been taught in Physics that all theories must be tested empirically, and that’s what we were doing. Our class has just got to the Law of Gravity, and we decided to try to confirm it. I climbed into the tree and detached an apple. As predicted by the theory, it fell straight to the ground, where Cox Minor caught it and put it into a bag, since we didn’t want to litter the orchard. Of course, a single event is statistically meaningless, so we repeated the experiment a couple of dozen times with consistent results. At this point, Farmer Brown collared us and brought us to you. I can only say, sir, that far from being ashamed of ourselves, we are proud to have been able to vindicate Sir Isaac Newton.
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