Everyone involved should be in prison: Netflix's Persuasion reviewed

You may already have read early reviews of Netflix’s adaptation of Jane Austen’s Persuasion saying it’s ‘the worst adaptation ever’ as well as ‘mortifying’ and ‘a travesty’, but I know you won’t believe it unless you hear it from me, so here you are: it is truly horrible. I would also add that everyone involved should probably be sent to prison. Not for life, but until we could be confident they’d learned the error of their ways and there was minimal risk of reoffending. A probation officer would possibly be required to keep a close eye, just to make sure. Better safe than sorry.

There are ways to adapt Austen for a contemporary audience, but those ways are not this way, and I say this not as a purist. Clueless was Emma as a teen comedy and I adore that film.

Everyone involved in making this film should probably be sent to prison

Here, it’s not the modern vernacular with its references to ‘self-care’ and ‘playlists’ and ‘being fashion forward’ that sinks things but the woeful misunderstanding of characters and their purpose. Our heroine, Anne Elliot (Dakota Johnson, whom I don’t blame personally), has been reframed as a feisty, outspoken, Fleabag-style girl-boss who breaks the fourth wall and winks to camera and is also super-hot, whereas the whole point of Anne Elliot is that she is absolutely none of those things. In fact, she is so small and quiet and anguished and withdrawn that she hardly speaks for the first half of the novel. I never got the sense that anyone involved had actually read the book, but maybe they’ll get round to it while in prison? They’ll have the time then.