Estate agents just don’t get it – I want a house, not a building site

‘What is this, please?’ I said to the estate agent, as he showed me into the building site he was calling a house.

‘This,’ he said beaming, ‘is the kitchen and breakfast room area.’ I picked my way over the rubble and stood in the dark, pokey room with its walls of hideous grey breezeblock.

‘I thought I asked you not to show me anything without a second fix, Sedrick.’

‘Well, yes, but,’ said Sedrick, one of those perky young estate agents you can’t keep down, ‘you just need to use a bit of imagination. If you stand over here you can really get a feel for it. The space, I mean. You can get a sense of what it will be like when…’

‘Stop!’ I said, clutching at my chest, ‘I’m having a panic attack. I thought I was very clear on the phone. I don’t want to look at places that need work and I can’t begin to contemplate anything with cables and pipes hanging out of the walls.