Matt Purple

Dry January is cruel

The bleak midwinter is the season for porters, stouts, ales, Baileys and brandy

  • From Spectator Life
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Allow me to set the scene for you. It is the coldest month of the year and also the darkest. The sun sets not long after lunch, ruling out any after-work revelry more exciting than testing your antifreeze. It’s too chilly to go for a walk; even a trip to the gym looms like an endurance test. Despite blasting the heat at all hours, you still can’t get your house warm. Your girlfriend hasn’t been seen in the four days since she took refuge under that blanket with the Friends logo on it.

The Christmas season has ended, stripping the winter of its festivity: no more twinkling lights or Andy Williams. You took down your tree weeks ago, lest you become one of those freaks who still has decorations up in February, but without it your house just feels bare. Your driveway is a death trap of black ice; your trees are leafless daggers.

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