In Competition No. 2513 you were invited to submit a Spectator Love Bug ad for a well-known literary character. I was hoping for such comic gems as grace the compellingly quirky lonely-hearts column in the London Review of Books: ‘Eager-to-please woman, 36, seeks domineering man to take advantage of her flagging confidence. Tell me I’m pretty and watch me cling’. This potentially suicidal self-deprecation produces ads that are both hilarious and touching — and apparently successful from time to time.
What woman could fail to be won over by Quasimodo’s honesty, courtesy of John Plowman: ‘You say personality matters more than looks? Well, I’m your man. Brought up in an ecclesiastical family, I’m down-to-earth (almost prehensile) and Cyclopean (didn’t do Nelson any harm)…’. The winners, printed below, get £25; I’m first in the queue, pliant and placid, for bonus-fiver recipient D.A. Prince’s Beowulf.
Readers have asked about the whereabouts of Jaspistos, who was last heard of in hospital.
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