A new name isn’t enough to save Facebook

Mark Zuckerberg emerged from his walk-in T-shirt closet last week to make a stunning announcement: Facebook will be changing its name. And while we don’t yet know what the new name will be, I think I may be able to help here. How about this: Boomerware? Or in keeping with Silicon Valley’s penchant for trendy misspellings: LyfeSuck? Or instead of a name, there’s just the sound of Rome burning?

The reason that ‘Facebook’ is getting retired, per Zuck, is that he wants to ‘transition from people seeing us as primarily being a social media company to being a metaverse company.’ What that means is that he’s trying to distance himself from Facebook and Instagram, the very brands he owns. The reason is that those brands have become synonymous with privacy violations, self-harming video challenges, conspiracy theories, bullying, riots, insurrections. A good Vegas bender, in other words, though less healthful as social fabric.