Monday
It wasn’t easy for Dave to come out and say it but he was really brave. Personally, I can’t see what all the fuss is about. We never said we were definitely going to have a referendum. Just that we definitely wanted to. There are a lot of things we definitely want to do. It doesn’t mean we are definitely going to do them. Take our lovely new health policy, for example. Yes, Dave is ‘guaranteeing’ up to £1.5 billion of savings by cutting bureaucracy in the NHS. And of course, in an ideal world that would mean we actually did it. But it is not an ideal world. So it doesn’t. And that, as they say, is grown-up politics. Speaking of which, I must finish drafting a threatening letter to send to the horrid, beastly old meanies in South-West Norfolk. Poor Ms Truss. Dave is furious. Says when he’s finished with them they’ll be begging him to send them a woman who’s had an affair. He’s drawing up a shortlist of transgender, ethnic-minority single parents for them to chose from. Now that’s what I call Special Measures!
Tuesday
Mr Murdoch’s people on the phone again, asking us, in a roundabout (and rather rude) way, to explain our definition of ‘cast iron’. We told them it was v simple — cast iron refers to a large group of ferrous alloys which solidify, but due to their carbide impurities have the capacity to crack and become malleable. So, no attempt to mislead and certainly no fibbing to get the backing of the Sun. And if they don’t believe us, they can look up ‘cast iron’ on Wikipedia. It’s all there. There was some rather unfathomable swearing in Australian but I think they got the general drift.
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