Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody – 7 July 2006

Monday
I hate it when people start talking in acronyms. It always means trouble. The inquest into the Chiz and Bromley by-election is called ‘BBI’. The official line is we haven’t yet achieved full ‘brand penetration’ — or ‘BP’ — which, according to Jed, will only come when we get lift-off with our ‘Cameron Localisation Strategy’ or ‘CLS’. Nigel says this is nonsense. What we’re looking at is a ‘TFU’ (total you-know-what). After seeing little Bob Neill (‘our newest MP!’) at the away day, I’m inclined to agree. He’s almost invisible to the naked eye. When Poppy and I arrived he was talking to Alan Duncan, who was craning his neck downwards. Poppy made tasteless joke — about a pixies’ convention — but luckily we were lost in a sea of pastel shirts and corduroy trousers by then so nobody noticed. P said it looked like a Boden catalogue had exploded in a home for the bewildered.