Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 6 June 2009

Monday

So exciting! Lots of lovely poor people on our new A-list!! We were a bit worried at first about making the only requirement that applicants should have, at the time of writing and to the best of their knowledge, no association whether in person or through close relatives to moats, tennis courts, swimming pools, duck ponds or servants’ quarters. (Crucially, nothing about stable blocks so yours truly is still in with a chance!) But we’ve been deluged. We’ve got a couple of people who claim to live in terraced housing in the north of England and a woman in a genuine inner-city tower block! Urgent memo from Jed: ‘We wish to make clear that when Dave called for a recall system to get rid of all MPs found guilty of expenses crimes he did not mean immediately, or indeed at all, necessarily. Clearly there may be occasions when a very senior Conservative has made a genuinely innocent oversight to do with his, for example, mortgage repayment arrangements which would be entirely understandable and we would all back him unreservedly and allow him to move on and forget all about it for the good of the country.’