Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 5 September 2009

Monday

Wish we could decide whether the recession is over or not. Or at least decide what shape it is. Mr Letwin and Mr Willetts spend hours in the Tranquillity Room arguing about whether it’s a V, W or an L. My own theory, which I put forward at morning strategy meeting today, is that we are in a B-shaped recession. I don’t think everyone understood. Tom said ‘don’t be ridiculous. Who ever heard of a recession shaped like a B?’ He’s always undermining me, probably because I rejected his advances. Told him he can pour scorn on my macroeconomic predictions all he likes. But we have to plan how many more bad news stories we need to get us through the recession. Warnings about how we’re all going to be living in darkness, with no gas or electricity, while unemployed youths high on drugs riot on the streets don’t come out of thin air you know.