Monday
Wish we could decide whether the recession is over or not. Or at least decide what shape it is. Mr Letwin and Mr Willetts spend hours in the Tranquillity Room arguing about whether it’s a V, W or an L. My own theory, which I put forward at morning strategy meeting today, is that we are in a B-shaped recession. I don’t think everyone understood. Tom said ‘don’t be ridiculous. Who ever heard of a recession shaped like a B?’ He’s always undermining me, probably because I rejected his advances. Told him he can pour scorn on my macroeconomic predictions all he likes. But we have to plan how many more bad news stories we need to get us through the recession. Warnings about how we’re all going to be living in darkness, with no gas or electricity, while unemployed youths high on drugs riot on the streets don’t come out of thin air you know. They take months of research to dig out the relevant figures and find experts in far-flung private rest homes who will verify them. And yours truly is sick of being a performing bad news monkey. I need to know how much longer I’m going to be churning out ‘Pub Ready’ speeches for Mr Grayling and Mr Clark or I’ll go mad. Anyone would.
Tuesday
Can’t believe Anne Robinson is going around bragging about how we asked her to be on our Red Alert Emergency Reserve List of Last-Resort Mayoral Candidates If All Else Fails. Everyone else who was on that list (including half of Gids’s office) keeps jolly quiet about it. You don’t hear Boris going on about it, do you? Little Al Duncan on the phone again.
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