Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 28 June 2008

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

issue 28 June 2008

Monday
Hats off to the Major government — it’s not easy managing sleaze. Putting out endless statements explaining why some MP or other isn’t on the take. The reasons are so complicated. Plus it takes ages to calm them down. They ring in on the Helpline practically hysterical. Had one this morning. ‘Have you any idea how much money I could be fiddling? I haven’t put through a genuinely fraudulent expense claim for two years, and what thanks do I get? My local paper exposing me for claiming an iPod, that’s what. It’s a disgrace! I need that iPod for urgent constituency relaxation business. What’s David going to do about it? Hmm?’ Told him to stay calm and follow the instructions on the Sleaze Management PDF.

Mrs Spelperson is even worse. Spends all her time trying to work out who’s briefing against her. As Gary says, it would be easier if she tried to work out who wasn’t.

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