Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 25 July 2009

Monday

Clearly we can’t have people saying it’s one rule for bed-blockers and another for Notting Hillers. We can’t be accused of penalising backbenchers we don’t like while turning a blind eye to expense abuses by Dave’s inner circle. We need one deeply principled rule for everybody. So, after much reflection, we’ve decided to let everybody off! Hurrah!! Obviously we can’t give anyone their seat back, and for those poor old dears who have already had to stand down there is, unfortunately, little we can do now, no matter how much we would like to. However, we can send out a message that we intend to make good use of the talents of any old people who’ve managed to survive by putting them on all sorts of commissions, which Tom and I are busy thinking up now. (Suggestions on a postcard please, am bit stuck.) Hopefully this will also silence those silly people saying we should sack Gids for flipping*.