Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 20 January 2007

Monday

Don’t ask me why, but suddenly the buzzword is ‘Thatcher’. Memo marked ‘Urgent’ says the T-word count for an average speech is now ten times minimum ‘until further notice’. Jed rushed into the office this morning all breathless and sweaty, and announced extra greenie points (frappuccino machine tokens, carbon offset holiday credits, soft loo-roll allowance!) for anyone who thinks up new and inventive ways of relating Dave’s policies to ‘the Leaderene’. All ideas must be fully reversible in case we want to ditch her later. Am going to give it a whirl. I could really do with a ski-ing holiday and the thought of being allocated a roll of Andrex instead of that sharp crackly stuff we have to use is just too tantalising for words. It also beats stacking membership resignation letters. If you ask me, all these so-called leading Tories defecting to Ukip shouldn’t even be sent a reply.