Monday
Helping Wonky Tom put finishing touches to our exciting plans for Tessa-Jowell-style-John-Lewis-style public services. (Possibly that’s too many hyphens. We may have to drop the Jowell bit. She won’t mind, she’s pleased as punch we’re using her idea.) It will be a revolution, handing Power To The People on a scale never before envisaged. Within months of a Tory victory millions of workers all over Britain will be sacking their bosses and awarding themselves huge pay rises!! Hooray!! It’s about time things stopped being so top-down in this country! Am off to unpack the new campaign literature. We’ve got Dave mugs, Dave scarves, Dave T-shirts, Dave umbrellas, Dave bumper stickers (for bicycles and electric cars only) and full-sized Dave cardboard cut-outs! Of course, it has been made clear that candidates are perfectly at liberty to put their own faces on leaflets if they like, so long as they don’t mind not winning.
Tuesday
Following Our Leader’s v moving Letter to Sun Readers, revealing for the first time that we will recognise specifically only ‘loving families’ in the tax system, a lot of people are asking how exactly this will be assessed.
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