JANUARY 2007
As we await the coming of the Force of Darkness, work begins on election posters featuring Gordon as Darth Vader.
Tory coffers bulging in preparation for the fight, half a million raised in one evening at a party at Blenheim. Pol Roger champagne flowing and as much caviar as you can eat (for only £5,000!).
Back at HQ we launch our ‘Live Life For Less’ campaign, teaching poor people to be thrifty. We unveil plans to ban fast food, and clamp down on other ‘social pollutants’ such as Edward Leigh.
FEBRUARY
A lot of nosy-parkers demand to know whether we are going to cut taxes. As we haven’t the faintest idea, we are able to skilfully resist demands to formulate policy.
Meanwhile, after a spate of shootings in south London — wherever that is — Dave shows he has the answers to society’s ills by pointing out that hardly anyone who guns down children on council estates is married.
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