Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 14 April 2007

Monday

Am going to get to the bottom of this Miliband unit if it’s the last thing I do. There’s something shifty about it, mark my words, although initial investigations are inconclusive. Kept eye on Poppy and James, and when they disappeared off to one of their ‘Special Meetings’ I followed them, crouching behind recycling bins — which, thankfully, are now located throughout the office at a distance of every four paces for the convenience of all staff and in the interests of future generations. They went into a room marked ‘Clearance Level Black Special’ (DD really takes this room-labelling business seriously). Stood outside for ages and couldn’t hear a thing. No talking. No papers rustling. Listened for half an hour, then gave up and went back to desk to finish my press release about Arnie! I can’t think of a pun that doesn’t involve terminating Gordon but have been told in no uncertain terms by Nigel that Mr Schwarzenegger’s appearance at conference is a serious political intervention.