Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 13 June 2009

Monday

What a triumph! Not that we’re complacent. While this is undeniably a resounding victory which paves the way to our impending general election landslide, we are not taking anything for granted. In fact we are mindful that we may still lose. Except that we so obviously won’t! Hooray!!

Now, I must get my head around this ring-round of Euro people. We’re in ‘final negotiations’ — complete and utter panic stations — and Jed’s put a big target grid up on the whiteboard. We’ve got 50 MEPs from three countries but the rules say we need seven. So we’re trying Latvia, Denmark, Belgium, Lithuania and Estonia. For each MEP we bring in we get an extra frappuccino machine token. Tom’s ringing the Danes and Belgians, Poppy’s doing Lithuania and Estonia and I’m doing Latvia. I’ve got a phrasebook. I know how to say hello — ‘Sveiki!’ Now I just have to work out how to say, ‘Please could you come and join us in our breakaway anti-federalist grouping which will challenge the stagnating power blocks of the EU and forge a new era of free market-orientated co-operation.’