Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 10 January 2009

Monday

Mr Clarke on the phone again, v crabby. He says it’s taking a lot of hours out of his day having to answer questions about the economy and can’t we stop people calling him so he can get on with counting sparrows. ‘At this rate the only way I’ll get my RSPB garden-watch sheet filled in is by taking that blasted job Dave’s banging on about. At least then I won’t be allowed to say anything.’ Told Jed and he said this meant the strategy was working. Am under strict orders to tell everyone who rings for Gids that they’re to phone Mr Clarke. ‘We’ll smoke him back into the shadow cabinet if it kills us. He’s going to be begging to be let in soon.’ Genius! Next time he rings am going to add to the pressure by asking him about my own financial plans. Have decided to beat 0 per cent interest rates by closing savings account and spending all my money.