Diary of a Notting Hill Nobody | 10 February 2007

Monday

What a morning! Was having coffee with Jed’s new PA, Janice. Lovely lady. V spiritual — although some might say a bit severe-looking with the shaved head. Anyway, as Nigel says, she’s ‘taken a shine to me’. She tells me things that are troubling her and today she told me something’s going on which she doesn’t think is ethical. It seems Dave has been getting coaching from ‘a senior Labour figure’. She made me swear a dozen different oaths — including one on Sesame’s forthcoming dressage trials — before she told me who it was. Suffice to say that when she told me the name I swallowed a piece of mini muffin down into my windpipe. It was dreadful. The whole of Starbucks was in panic. Janice screamed at everyone to stand back, leapt on top of me from behind and performed a manoeuvre she said she learned in the TA.