Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 1 January 1970

Tamzin Lightwater files her report

issue 18 March 2006

Tuesday
Hateful, horrid Tessa Jowell. Things have gone mad at Tory headquarters since the stupid row over her silly husband. Everyone sweating over share certificates. I’ve been put on to a new unit monitoring ‘outside interests’. Poppy wrote ‘Jose Mourinho’ on her form and had to start again. Childish, really.

We have to ask our MPs whether they ‘or their spousal partner of choice’ have an ‘offshore’. They’re all being jolly rude about it. I don’t think any MP, no matter how closely related to Winston Churchill, should be able to tell a press officer to forcibly insert their official brief …Well, anyway.

Wednesday am
More misery. We have to find out who has put money into ‘hedge funds’. No one seems to be asking the obvious question: Why would anyone put money into hedges? Aren’t they a bit vulnerable to the weather? Or are hedges eco-friendly? Memo to self: must consult collected works of Z.

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