Tamzin Lightwater

Diary of a Notting Hill nobody | 1 December 2007

Tamzin Lightwater's unique take on the week

issue 01 December 2007

Monday

Am worried and confused. Just back from Forward Planning Meeting and whole of Grid for next three months is choc-a-bloc with extremely scary stuff. Clampdowns on everything from malingering benefit claimants to selfish single mums. New catchphrases include: ‘Prison Works’, ‘On Your Bike!’ and ‘Women! Know your working limits!’ Nothing about the environment. Not a mention of my idea for an ethical Xmas gifts campaign based around Dave visiting Malawi to present a desperate family with a goat on behalf of each modernising participant. Only thing that was even remotely compassionate was clampdown on multi-faith nativity plays. And that was only a bit nice because we are going to ‘bring back Jesus in a manger’. I can just about work out why we need to ‘show a bit of ankle’ to rightwingers by promising tax cuts. But do we really need to hint at withdrawing from the EU, slashing public expenditure and bringing back capital punishment? Talk about sledgehammer to crack a nutcase. Am off to the Tranquillity Room to try to remember what it’s really all about.

Tuesday
Blimey! Been reading through old briefing notes from Mr Letwin’s strategy seminars when Dave first took over (is it really two years ago?). It’s like everything I’ve ever been confused about is explained in here. I wouldn’t be surprised if it doesn’t tell me how to do a flying change on Sesame. Basically, we are now coming to the end of Phase One of Operation Dave, the aim of which was to ‘Make everyone like us. Method for achieving this: Any’. Now we are ahead in the polls, we will put Phase Two into operation and ‘Revert to proper policy arrangements — see Appendix B (restricted)’. Don’t have access to Appendix B yet, although I bet I do when I take up my new role in Ambience Management.

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