Diary Australia – 16th June

London
I always wondered what happened to that ghastly floating Chinese restaurant that used to meander around Sydney Harbour. Now it’s turned up as the new Royal Barge, from whence Elizabeth, Phil and the rest of the blue-fingered bluebloods watch the Jubilee Regatta making its way down the muddy Thames on a freezing winter’s, er, sorry, summer’s day.

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Wisely, I choose to avoid the entire event and instead sneak off to a barn in Buckinghamshire for what the poms call a barbie. Sausages, gently cooked, pink on the inside, are served up at room temperature. I try to explain the delights of the frazzled Aussie snag scorching the skin off your fingertips, but give up after the bit about crunching through a layer of carbon smothered in tomato sauce elicits blank stares. Thoughtfully, our host has provided a keg of real ale so I retreat to the corner of the barn and test out the merits of room-temperature fare accompanied by copious volumes of room-temperature beer.