Diary – 26 August 2005

By the time you read this, England and Australia will be playing at Trent Bridge, and the news may be good. Or bad. Channel 4 reported record viewing figures for the first three Ashes Tests. Barely countable millions, it seems, tuned in at all times of day (and night, for the highlights are invariably on in the small hours) to watch the two sides slug it out in the first real contests for years. But what, I would like to know, about the record numbers of people like me, who become so emotionally involved that they can’t bear to watch the Ashes? The barely countable millions so agonised by the whole thing that the only possible solution to our patriotic misery is to switch the TV off and pretend to do something else?

Cricket pundits and former players naively represent the Ashes as a contest determined by the endeavour and skill of 22 competing athletes on the field of play.