Diary – 25 August 2006

Sydney

I am here to announce a new stage show. When last here I was having breakfast in a harbourside café with a composer friend and I was just telling him about a particularly vile freelance paparazzo who haunted the area. Suddenly I saw the glint of a telephoto lens across the street. It was him! Emerging from the restaurant at a brisk pace I saw the wretch jogging towards me, grey ponytail threshing and camera rampant. He got so close I could smell the morning drink on his breath. The spirits of Russell Crowe, Sean Penn and Kate Moss suddenly inhabited me, and in trying to brush aside the intrusive Nikon, my knuckles accidentally collided with the photographer’s pulpy jowl, causing his trendy wire-rimmed spectacles to skitter on to the road. A not unattractive woman friend was idling in her car to whisk me off for a swim and I leapt into the passenger seat before the creep could regain his feet and get the Mystery Woman shot.