Diary – 19 May 2016

Not only are today’s young girls having to work hard on their abs, butts and glutes, now the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kim Kardashian are instructing the poor lambs in the art of keeping their ‘lady garden’ in mint condition. Subject to the approval of their best mates, apparently, the formerly taboo subject of ‘down south’ is now open for discussion. Some celebs now cultivate, manicure and moisturise the ‘no-fly zone’ with as much effort as they put into their faces. Whatever next? Will Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt suddenly inform all studs how to take care of their gentleman’s gentleman?

I’ve been on Twitter for four years now but only have a paltry 150,000 followers, perhaps because I keep away from controversy. Until last week, that is, when I started posting a series of photos of the massive puddle that had formed in the road right outside my London residence and which then refused to go away even when the sun shone at its fiercest.