Not only are today’s young girls having to work hard on their abs, butts and glutes, now the likes of Gwyneth Paltrow and Kim Kardashian are instructing the poor lambs in the art of keeping their ‘lady garden’ in mint condition. Subject to the approval of their best mates, apparently, the formerly taboo subject of ‘down south’ is now open for discussion. Some celebs now cultivate, manicure and moisturise the ‘no-fly zone’ with as much effort as they put into their faces. Whatever next? Will Ryan Gosling and Brad Pitt suddenly inform all studs how to take care of their gentleman’s gentleman?
I’ve been on Twitter for four years now but only have a paltry 150,000 followers, perhaps because I keep away from controversy. Until last week, that is, when I started posting a series of photos of the massive puddle that had formed in the road right outside my London residence and which then refused to go away even when the sun shone at its fiercest. I took pictures of the puddle and my shoes (or, as the tabloids say, ‘designer footwear’) on the pavement, to show the extent of the problem. Eventually, I received a sympathetic message from Westminster City Council explaining they had ‘carried out an assessment’ but that to dig up the road and take a closer look would ‘carry significant cost implications’.
Puddlegate (Photo: Joan Collins)
I appreciated the council’s thoughtfulness as well as the kindness of taxi drivers who made every effort to park as close to the pavement as possible. One extremely solicitous cabbie even flaunted all ‘elf’n’safety’ and mounted the kerb, since there is construction on one side of my building obstructing practically the entire pavement and a dusty BMW with diplomatic plates semi-permanently parked on the other.
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