Diary – 13 May 2005

The trouble with country life is that it is so unhealthy. Where I used to walk to the Tube I now take the car. Where I used to go out and see friends I now ruin my eyes watching television. After 20 years in Leicestershire I am almost blind and I have no muscle tone. But I have determined to go on a health and beauty drive. My first stop is the optician, where I demand tinted contact lenses — only to be told I can’t have them. They say you should suffer to be beautiful but, apparently, if you are long-sighted, stabbing at your pupils without blinking doesn’t earn you the right to be a violet-eyed lovely. Still, anything is better than glasses. For several days I practise putting in my new, colourless lenses. I have to strip naked to prepare for 30 minutes of panting and sweating until I get the hang of them, but at last I am ready to wear them — and to a party.