Diane’s grey matter and Labour’s sticky votes

I awoke the other morning to hear Diane Abbott’s brains leaking out of her ears and all over the carpet during an interview with LBC’s excellent Nick Ferrari. You will need a mop and a bucket very sharpish, I thought to myself, as she gabbled on, the hole beneath her feet growing larger with every syllable she uttered. Diane has had the brain leakage problem before, many times, and my worry is that following the LBC debacle there is almost nothing left inside her skull at all, just a thin greyish residue resembling a kind of fungi or leaf mould. This would leave her on an intellectual par with Emily Thornberry, a disaster for Labour. Later Diane explained that she had ‘misspoken’ during the interview — but how were we to know? She seems to misspeak in perpetuity. How are we to distinguish between the meant idiocies and the accidental idiocies?

Later, listening to the news, I learned that the Conservative lead in the polls had been cut quite sharply, with Labour experiencing a genuine priapism.