Freud famously asked: what do women want? And I think that after two marriages, a dozen long-term relationships and a thousand-and-one dates, I’ve discovered the answer to that great mystery: they want a man with a beautiful house.
In my twenties I thought that what women wanted was a man who was funny, intelligent, sensitive and kind. A man who would be faithful to them and a good and caring father to their children. Yes, for the modern woman those are all desirable qualities in a man; but they won’t seal the deal.
No, what women really want — well, many women — is a man with a big beautiful house. Preferably, a man with a big beautiful house in the beautiful British countryside or the south of France.
They say size isn’t everything, but it’s amazing how the possession of a big house will alter a woman’s perception of a man. He doesn’t have to be tall and handsome to attract women. He can be a short, bald gargoyle with bad breath — but thanks to his beautiful big house, there are women who will see him as a tall sexy beast.
How do I know this? Over the past two years I’ve met three truly awful men with truly amazing women in their lives. Men who were narcissistic, obese and immature. Men of exceptional mediocrity. They are the kind of men you look at and wonder: what does she see in him? Big heart? No. Big brain? No. Big penis? No. Big house? Yes! It is no coincidence that all three of these men have a beautiful big house in the countryside. And two of them have very nice flats in London as well, which makes them pretty irresistible.
Of course that’s nice for these men, but bad news for the rest of us who, when it comes to property, aren’t so well endowed.
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