Dear tourists, you’re welcome in Brighton

I love my adopted hometown of Brighton and Hove – I moved here in 1995 and I still feel like I’m on holiday. I love everything about living here. The obvious thing is the sea. Although I hear what our local Surfers Against Sewage say, nothing’s going to keep me out of the briny. The water quality at Hove Lawns Beach – literally at the end of my avenue – is excellent at the mo, whereas when I first lived here, it was quite normal to emerge from even a brief dip festooned in all sorts of unmentionable stuff, like an obscene Christmas tree.

I even love the seagulls. I know in theory that they’re flying rats but their natural comedic bent never fails to crack me up. I adore the way they perv over your food with their sideways eyes, then do that indignant shuffle when defiantly stared at, denying that they want your chips.