Dear Santa

In Competition 2827 you were invited to submit a Christmas list, in verse, in the style of the poet of your choice.
 
This challenge called on you not only to pull off a convincing pastiche of a particular poet but also to come up with a plausible Christmas wish list for them.
 
There were neat references to Dorothy Parker’s ‘One Perfect Rose’ from Noel Petty and Martin Parker, and I liked Basil Ransome-Davies’s riff on MacNeice’s ‘Bagpipe Music’. Melanie Branton’s Shakespeare almost made the cut: ‘Hoping I get a keg of sack or pouch of snuff,/ A statement earring, in-your-face and blinging,/ Desiring Marlowe’s codpiece, Jonson’s ruff,/ But fearing Anne will buy me something minging’, and honourable mentions, too, to Philip Roe, John Whitworth and John Beaton.
 
The winners below take £30 each. The bonus fiver belongs to Rob Stuart.
 
Merry Christmas!

I do not wish for aught because the Lord
Hath always my heart’s stocking fill’d with
cheer.
His love is life’s foundation and reward.
This paragon of gifts He gives all year.
 
Get thee behind me Santa, do not tempt
Ungratefulnesse in those whom God hath
bless’d —
By the Almighty’s grace am I exempt
From death. In Heav’n shall I ever rest.
 
He moulded me this Earth to live upon,
And though I share it there is room enow.
O’er beasts He granted me dominion —
The platypus, the ferret and the cow.
 
The lighthouse of His tendernesse doth keep
My sinneful boat from ploughing into rocks.
All else is by these bounties render’d cheap —
But then again I wouldn’t mind some socks.
Rob Stuart/George Herbert
 
Bring me Hunting Gothic Corbels,
Please, dear Santa, on your sledge,
Also, Mackintosh’s Gorbals,
And Lost Views of Wenlock Edge.
 
Poor old Archie keeps on moulting,
Soon he’ll be a furless bear;
People say he looks revolting,
So bring garments he can wear.
 
Clothes for me spell needs more flagrant —
As an ancient rhyming ham
I want khaki shorts, all fragrant
With the musky scent of Pam.