Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: why don’t my guests thank my husband for hosting too? 

[iStock] 
issue 10 February 2024

Q. When people come to stay for house parties, my husband – who already works a 60-hour week – does a lot of the unseen chores. He’s in charge of fires, drinks, seating plans, arranging outings, and he pays for everything. We are in our sixties and I know it is traditional etiquette to write and thank the ‘lady of the house’, but my husband really feels rather miffed that no one ever mentions him in their thank-you letters. How should I most tactfully encourage people to address their thank-you letters to both of us, rather than just to me, without seeming bossy?

– G.M., West Sussex

A. It may be more effective to clink your glass during dinner on the Saturday night and toast your husband for his huge contribution in the way of unseen chores. There is bound to be a spontaneous warm response for him to enjoy.

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