Q. I am a single woman in my thirties and I am at my wits’ end as to where I can meet intelligent, interesting bachelors. Apps are hopeless. I work in publishing but literary men are endlessly promiscuous. Most men my age at parties are married. Any suggestions?
– M.S., London SW11
A. You are looking in the wrong places – areas where too many women are competing for too few men. Knowing they are a scarce commodity prompts commitment-phobia in literary and arty types. Better to set out into nerdier pastures in search of an underconfident geek who only needs a makeover. Start attending lectures and conferences in theoretical physics or quantum mechanics where 98 per cent of the audience is guaranteed to be male. Conferences usually have after-parties (of sorts) and all events have bars. Assuming you are not familiar with these subjects, perhaps use your publishing role to adopt a Lois Lane-style ‘intrepid reporter’ excuse for approaching men, ostensibly to learn about what’s being presented science-wise. Seek out events on eventbrite.co.uk or techuk.org. The Science Museum has a ‘Lates’ night most months, and an informant confides that these are ‘vastly more about dating than science’ (although the ratio of sexes is more like 50:50).
Q. My husband and I love entertaining but as we live in a very social part of the country we find it difficult to contain the guest list and we don’t want to upset the people that we haven’t asked. What do you suggest?
– A.E., Pewsey, Wilts
A. Take a tip from another enthusiastic socialiser who keeps a birthday chart in her kitchen. She can then have, say, a Capricorn party. The invitees can bring their other half (if they have one), but if any other locals worry they weren’t asked, you can reply: ‘Sorry, you’re not a Capricorn… but don’t worry, I will get around to having another star-sign party soon.’
Q. I am trying to arrange a house party for a forthcoming literary festival. My top guests are an in-demand couple who I know will be a draw for the others I intend to ask. But they have replied saying: ‘Can we let you know a bit nearer the time?’ I don’t really want all the hassle of the others staying if I can’t get this couple in the first place. Mary, what should I do?
– P.J, Broad Chalke, Wilts
A. Speak to the organisers of the festival and offer to host one of their star speakers in your house. Then tell the targeted couple: ‘Do you absolutely loathe XX? I have been asked to host him for the event.’ This should pin them down.
Write to Dear Mary at dearmary@spectator.co.uk
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