Dear Mary: We’ve had to downsize our wedding – can we still ask everyone for presents?

Q. A year ago we sent out 150 save-the-date notices for our wedding this December. We are still going ahead, even though we can now invite only 15 people. My problem is the wedding list. Do I still send one out? We feel some people may want to give us a present even though they will not be attending a party — godparents, for example — and quite possibly some of those who have been the recipients of more than generous wedding presents from us.
— Name and address withheld

A. It is one thing to return hospitality for dinner parties, but you cannot command goodwill where wedding presents are concerned. You will have to wait until cancelled guests enquire whether you have a list. However, if you are strapped for cash and genuinely need certain items to start your new life, you could discreetly employ a friend well-known for being indecisive to ring around and prompt others by asking: ‘Are you going to give a present anyway?’ Meanwhile, bear in mind the substantial savings from not giving a lavish wedding party.