Q. Is it acceptable to admit that you don’t ‘do’ anything? Or should one pretend to be writing a book or attending a course at the V&A or some such? I am afraid I just play bridge all day and sometimes I even go abroad to do it.
— Name and address withheld
A. So long as you are not playing the game online, and have to get yourself up and dressed and go out and about to play, then freely admit to it. Those in religious orders who ‘just’ pray have no qualms about admitting it. The mental gym aspects of bridge-playing could accredit it as positive intellectual exercise. Bridge can also be praised because it promotes social cohesion of the sort not revolving around vested interests. Many friendships are symbiotic — based on shared school runs or job advancement — but bridge allows you to meet friends from a wider, less predictable sphere. If you feel guilty about not generating commercial gain from your activity, then assuage your conscience by giving the occasional lesson for which you charge.
Q. I am at university and am going to have a car next term. How can I make sure that people I give lifts to don’t just think, ‘Oh she was going anyway’ — and fail to offer me money towards petrol?
— Name and address withheld
A. Start as you mean to go on. When someone asks for a lift say ‘Yeah. Great, that’s fine. Let’s get as many people as possible so we can all share the cost of the petrol and then it will be much cheaper for all of us.’ In this way you set down the expectation that contributions are expected. If passengers still resist, have a reliable friend in the car primed to say, ‘Does anyone want to give me cash and I will put our share of the petrol onto my bank card?’
Q.
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