Q. On two recent occasions I have noted that women I know professionally are pregnant, although neither referred to it. Should one offer congratulations or wait until the pregnancy is mentioned? I have taken two approaches, congratulating the one I know reasonably well, and saying nothing to the one I know less well. Your advice please, Mary.
— K.D., London
A. It very much depends on whether the woman is sporting the baby as a ‘display pregnancy’ i.e. with tight clothes and explicit silhouette, or is shrouded in tenting. If the first, congratulate. If the second, give an unintrusive compliment such as ‘You’re looking very well! How lovely!’ In this way, she can either confirm her happy news if she wishes to share it, or thank you and change the subject if she is feeling coy. Moreover, should the woman’s build only have become bigger due to greed-related issues, your non-specific compliment will have spared everyone embarrassment.
Q. My chum has discovered the delights of our local pub and it has turned him into a crashing bore. The regulars in the public bar love him because he’s always ready with a £20 note for another round. But to be honest, the place is frequented by dullards and boors and he has become one too. What can we do to rescue him? A once interesting chap is now nine months pregnant with beer and as dull as the ditch-water he’ll now readily discuss.
— R.W., Surrey
A. Sometimes it helps a man with a bruised ego to surround himself with acknowledged inferiors. For camouflage, he will need to talk and look like the others in the pub, but secretly the contrast in adequacy will permit him to slowly restore his self-confidence. When he has recovered, he can re-enter his old life.
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