Q. My friend kindly arranged for me to use her freelance gardener and, despite the gardener working only four hours a week, she has transformed my garden. Today I asked if she could do any more hours and she said only on an ad hoc basis. This evening I received a message from another friend asking for the gardener’s number, as hers has left. She has a superior garden to mine and I am terrified this wonderful gardener will give the ad hoc hours she has promised me to this potential new employer. I have tried to prevaricate but I can’t lie to this lady. Mary, what to do?
– E.S., Sussex
A. It would cause resentment if the treasure found you had blocked her access to another opportunity. Instead turn the situation into a comedy rather than a tragedy. Laugh as you pass on the message while confessing your reluctance to do so. You are more likely to breed loyalty in this in-demand gardener if she can associate you with lightheartedness and honesty, rather than desperation and deviousness.
Q. As a 51-year-old man, newly single for the first time in 20 years, I would welcome your advice about how to make a pass. I would not want to fall foul of new perceptions about what now constitutes ‘assault’. – Name and address withheld
A. Agreeing to go out to dinner with a man is the older woman’s equivalent of swiping right on a dating app. It means that, theoretically, she is interested – certainly not repelled. This advice only applies to advance bookings, not impromptu suggestions issued while you are both attending, for example, a book launch. The best testing ground is a restaurant with banquette seating where you can sit side by side looking outwards.
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