Dear Mary: How do I stop my grey-haired friend giving away my true age?

Q. I never lie about my age but I try not to think — or talk — about it. Now an old school friend, who has been living abroad for many years, has just come back to the UK and is planning to move here permanently. Unlike me, she is letting her hair go grey. Admirable though her authenticity may be, when virtually all the women from her old circle have highlights or full colour she, known to be roughly our age, but three-quarters grey, shows the rest of us up. At a recent wedding, more than one of us was quietly, but tactlessly told, as though it were a compliment, words to the effect of ‘you look decades younger than your exact contemporary’. We know we are shallow but we don’t appreciate our true ages being ‘outed’ like this at social events. What to do? — Name and address withheld

A. On a practical note, if this friend is trying to remake her English social life, the reality is that the grey hair may put off age-deniers who would otherwise invite her. Consequently it’s your duty to intervene. Start by ordering an affordable (£20) wig in her old colour, from the online suppliers Spell Beauty. Chuckle that you found it in your fancy dress box and urge her to try it on. Gush that her natural old colour still suits her skin tone and so much more than the grey! Why doesn’t she make an appointment with your colourist? If she fails to bite, you must explain why exclusion from shallow society may be the price she will pay for her authenticity.