Q. I shall be spending more time in the company of newer acquaintances in the West Country and would appreciate your advice with regard to a resurfacing problem: narcolepsy. The condition is the source of much embarrassment and I find myself at pains to explain it upfront. (People may infer spurious connections due to limited understanding – that is to say ‘narc’ is now much more closely associated with narcissistic tendencies or worse, narcotics.) In anticipation of negative reactions how can I deal with any awkwardness? I am keen to attend social events.
– Name withheld, Wimbledon
A. Turn your condition to your advantage by arriving with a lightweight, blown-up travel pillow around your neck. In the event of your nodding off, the pillow will remind those present that your condition is nothing to do with narcotics. Don’t be ashamed. Your status as a narcoleptic will bring a welcome drama to most social events and may even boost your popularity.
Q. I have taken over the management of a busy and successful restaurant, many of whose customers were friends/acquaintances of the late patron. While some diners are happy with only a brief exchange of pleasantries, others want me to pull up a chair for a chat. How do I get away without seeming less friendly than my predecessor? – Name and address withheld
A. Take a tip from her late Majesty the Queen who used her handbag, moving it from her left arm to right, to signal that she was ready to end the current conversation – at which point an aide would come forward to steer her towards someone else. Carry a menu at all times. Brief your waiting staff that, should they notice you holding the menu in your left hand, they should hover apologetically and let you know you are needed in the kitchen.
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