Dear Mary: How do I get my host to open the wine I brought?

Q. I have a friend who is a serious gardener. I myself am reasonably keen but not in her league. Last year she gave me some rare plants. Unfortunately I didn’t plant them very carefully and they ended up dying. She lives some distance away and I felt quite safe pretending they had flourished. With any other gardener I would have had no compunction in admitting they had died but our relationship is complicated. She’s now asked to come and stay for a local wedding and I’m dreading her discovering the truth. What can I do, Mary?

– Name and address withheld 

A. When she asks how the plants are doing say that they were seized on with rapture by a local rare plant specialist who has proper glasshouses and propagation facilities and who insisted on taking them away to ‘grow them on’. You are expecting sturdy versions to be delivered back to you any day.

Q. Is there a polite way to insist that one’s ‘top shelf’ wine contributions to a supper club are enjoyed rather than hidden away by the host and replaced with Pinot Grigio turpentine substitutes? This practice, I am reliably informed, is known as ‘label rinsing’.

– R.W., Bridport, Dorset

A. Readers may be interested to know that male-only supper clubs have become a ‘thing’ in rural areas. One man cooks and the other men bring bottles. Each member takes it in turns to host. Ring the day before to enquire what the host is serving so you can ask an expert (e.g. Simon Berry, ex Berry Bros) which wine to pair with it. This frees you up to uncork your contribution on arrival – as though you are being helpful, rather than trying to stop the host from squirrelling it away. 

Q. A friend recounted how she was recently travelling first-class in a train carriage with two men who in their conversation continuously used the F word.