Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How do I empty a chamberpot without my hosts noticing?

Plus: Gifts in the post that never arrive; speakerphone therapy

issue 09 November 2013

Q. One of our daughter’s godmothers has given very generous presents but never with any regularity. She was unable to attend the recent 18th birthday party but said on the telephone she hoped our daughter would like the present she was sending. No present has arrived. What is the protocol re thanking for something which has not turned up but may have been lost in the proverbial post? Or indeed, the absent-minded godmother may have forgotten to buy or post?
— Name and address withheld

A. Ring the godmother up shrieking with excitement. ‘The most marvellous bracelet has arrived in the post but with no card attached. Is it from you?’ When she says ‘no’, wait silently till she adds a variant of either ‘That reminds me, I have not got round to buying anything yet’, or ‘No, I sent her a drawing by Dufy. I wondered why she had not thanked me.’

Q.

Comments

Join the debate for just $5 for 3 months

Be part of the conversation with other Spectator readers by getting your first three months for $5.

Already a subscriber? Log in