Dear Mary: how can my daughter defy her friends and stay tattoo-less?

Q. My husband had my portrait painted for my 40th birthday and everyone says it is an amazing likeness. Now his business partner wants the same artist to capture his wife on canvas. We are anxious because, as my husband says, the wife is ‘no looker’ and the artist is not one to give a rose-tinted view of one of her sitters. Should we tactfully discourage this commission?

– J.S., Northants

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Richard Dawkins

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A. Consider these words from one leading portraitist: ‘You want to reproduce the humanity, the character, rather than the appearance. Glamorous people are a nightmare to paint. As an artist I far prefer the “non-glamorous”. You can manipulate the situation – on the pose, don’t show too much of the face – have them looking slightly away. Make the most of the background, hats, scarves, furniture… Non-glamorous sitters are often pleasantly surprised – their modesty is rather moving.’ Therefore, J.S., it is not up to you to queer this artist’s pitch. Let the commission go ahead.

Q. A number of my daughter’s slightly older friends have had tattoos. When she is 18, the peer pressure to follow suit will become irresistible. She can’t think of a good reason not to have one without offending the already tattooed. Her friendship group means the world to her. What should she do?

– A.P., Cheltenham

A. Your daughter can retain her place in the friendship group by playing the blood donor card. This will excuse her from the disfigurement as she can gush that she would love a tattoo but that ‘You can’t give blood for four months after you’ve had a tattoo’. It would be good if she followed through and donated.

Q. My wife and I are having two friends, both of whom have taken religious vows, to stay for the occasion of a third friend’s ordination into the diaconate.