Mary Killen Mary Killen

Dear Mary: How can I tell my mother-in-law she’s being mean?

Present difficulties, when to take your shoes off, and other social puzzles solved

issue 30 November 2013

Q. My egregious mother-in-law turns 80 this December. She is not short of a bob but for one of my birthdays (the big one) she sent me a card with the equivalent of A$20 (£12). This is normally what your children receive from their grandparents, not what a mature adult expects. I normally do not send her anything for her birthday but what would be the best way to make a point for her 80th? Send her a card with the same amount of money? Or could you propose an alternative strategy to show her that her gesture was, to say the least, the action of a stingy and parsimonious women?
— Name withheld, Canberra, Australia

A. If you really wish to make your mother-in-law feel small, then turn the other cheek and send her cash to the value of ten or 20 times what she sent you. Repeat this procedure at every opportunity and you will eventually see a sense of reality creeping in.

Q.

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